He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
