Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
