I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize