I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
