Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
