The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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