I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Randomize
