I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
