The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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