Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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