I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
