I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm both gender and math confused
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
