brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
