Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
