Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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