She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
