we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I am one with the molecules
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
