so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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