At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
