i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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