Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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