I'm sorry my penis didn't work
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
