No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
