I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
i think i just lost a toe
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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