Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
