i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you would pick up someone in the library
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
