fuck your aforementioned shoe
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize