Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
