Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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