You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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