That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
