Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize