Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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