There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
