My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
