Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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