Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize
