All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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