I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
