I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
