my mouth tastes like poor choices
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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