Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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