good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
