Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
