we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
