I hate your face
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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