Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
