i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
