your parents love me but you hate me
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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