my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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