Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
