I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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