My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
