i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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