I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
