Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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