those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
