So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
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