I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
