Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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