Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
