I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
