I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
