I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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