Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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