can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I FOUND THE LEGS
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
