I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize