Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
