around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
