I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
